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¹ Corinthians 9:16-27 

¹⁶If I proclaim the gospel, this gives me no ground for boasting, for an obligation is laid on me, and woe betide me if I do not proclaim the gospel! ¹⁷For if I do this of my own will, I have a reward; but if not of my own will, I am entrusted with a commission. ¹⁸What then is my reward? Just this: that in my proclamation I may make the gospel free of charge, so as not to make full use of my rights in the gospel.

¹⁹ For though I am free with respect to all, I have made myself a slave to all, so that I might win more of them. ²⁰To the Jews I became as a Jew, in order to win Jews. To those under the law I became as one under the law (though I myself am not under the law) so that I might win those under the law. ²¹To those outside the law I became as one outside the law (though I am not free from God’s law but am under Christ’s law) so that I might win those outside the law. ²²To the weak I became weak, so that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all people, so that I might by any means save some. ²³I do it all for the sake of the gospel, so that I may share in its blessings.

²⁴ Do you not know that in a race the runners all compete, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win it. ²⁵Athletes exercise self-control in all things; they do it to receive a perishable garland, but we an imperishable one. ²⁶So I do not run aimlessly, nor do I box as though beating the air; ²⁷but I punish my body and enslave it, so that after proclaiming to others I myself should not be disqualified. 

Religion is a new addition to my adult life. While I’ve felt a yearning for it for a few years now, I hadn’t explored the curiosity I was feeling until I came to a service at Holy Apostles last October. Since then, I have loved the sense of wholeness and community that the church provides.
 
New experiences not only bring new joys, but new challenges. When I’m asked at work about my weekend, I never include the church service I went to. When I tell my friends that I joined a church, they’re mostly confused. It not only feels anachronistic, but in direct opposition to modern life. I see the cross-over in the gospel and progressive politics, which is something that I find exciting, and want to talk about and share. But I’m not exactly sure how to verbalize it, especially without seeming pushy like a proselytizer and risking not being taken seriously.
 
Becoming a religious liberal, rather than a secular one, feels like wearing a wool sweater without an undershirt. It’s itchy. I know first-hand how affirming and justice-oriented the church can be. But on most days, I still have more questions than answers. How then am I supposed to answer the call of this scripture and “proclaim the gospel”? This seems like a big ask right now! Not only do I feel like an inadequate messenger (I don’t even own a Bible!), but in this hectic time it seems easier to feel abandoned, rather than enveloped, by God.
 
With work canceled this week, I have instead filled my time with worry. How will my stubborn, elderly father and under-protected nurses like my brother stay healthy? How will people feed their children and pay rent? Will I lose my job? With all this worrying to do, I’ve left texts unanswered and small groups unattended. Amidst all the worry, nothing gets done. This passage, however, is action-oriented. An athlete thinking about the race doesn’t accomplish much. Proclaiming the gospel in this time means stepping outside of my worry, my comfort zone, to help others in dire need, and in doing so “share in [the gospel’s] blessings.”
 
I’m not sure how I’ll do that yet, and I’d love to hear what others are doing.  

Psalm 91  

¹ He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High, *
abides under the shadow of the Almighty.
² He shall say to the Lord,
"You are my refuge and my stronghold, *
my God in whom I put my trust."
³ He shall deliver you from the snare of the hunter *
and from the deadly pestilence.
⁴ He shall cover you with his pinions,
and you shall find refuge under his wings; *
his faithfulness shall be a shield and buckler.
⁵ You shall not be afraid of any terror by night, *
nor of the arrow that flies by day;
⁶ Of the plague that stalks in the darkness, *
nor of the sickness that lays waste at mid-day.
⁷ A thousand shall fall at your side
and ten thousand at your right hand, *
but it shall not come near you.
⁸ Your eyes have only to behold *
to see the reward of the wicked.
⁹ Because you have made the Lord your refuge, *
and the Most High your habitation,
¹⁰ There shall no evil happen to you, *
neither shall any plague come near your dwelling.
¹¹ For he shall give his angels charge over you, *
to keep you in all your ways.
¹² They shall bear you in their hands, *
lest you dash your foot against a stone.
¹³ You shall tread upon the lion and adder; *
you shall trample the young lion and the serpent under your feet.
¹⁴ Because he is bound to me in love,
therefore will I deliver him; *
I will protect him, because he knows my Name.
¹⁵ He shall call upon me, and I will answer him; *
I am with him in trouble;
I will rescue him and bring him to honor.
¹⁶ With long life will I satisfy him, *
and show him my salvation.

I had just spent a week hunkering down and making contingency plans to work from home before the CUNY Chancellor said that everyone was going online because of the Corona Virus. At first it was faculty and students; I was neither, I am considered staff.  However, because I had upper respiratory stuff going on, I wanted to make contingency plans to work from home; my Assistant Director and I met and we began to think about ways to go virtual with the Honors Program I run at Hunter College.   I was not nervous about what was going on, I was only trying to be proactive because I knew that things could change rather fast, and I have many responsible hats I have to wear.  
 
On Saturday when I first read Psalm 91, I froze.  My first response was OMG! God this is happening now!!!  I started to feel anxiety since the Mothers had just announced that we would have church online.  What?  Church online?  Knowing that I would not be singing along with the choir, or shaking hands during ‘the peace’, or even the special Lord’s Prayer when we hold hands with each other, in those beautiful hand-held lines, almost like a bridge to heaven-singing the Lord’s Prayer while looking at the altar and that big majestic stained glass window of Jesus (a moment I always feel God’s presence). I have to admit, I felt a moment of panic. 
 
I re-read Psalm 91 on Sunday after online church (which was not so bad, I thought) and realized that verses 1-6 talked about God giving us refuge and delivering us from “the snare of the hunter and from the deadly pestilence.”  As the weekend passed, I knew that the virus was the snare of the hunter. The more I heard the news, the more I felt compelled to hear it, and the more I would focus on God, prayer and trust in God.   I could not control what was happening, but I could do my best to stay home and look after my parents, take care of myself and my partner and make sure that everyone who lived in my home had the resources they needed to work from home.   I have high wireless connectivity in my building, and my tenants have a guest pass.  One of my tenants set up a google calendar to schedule all of us, so as to not overtax the internet.  How cool?  This would not have happened otherwise, but we learned to figure things out. 
 
Verses 7-14 mirrors what is going on currently.  Yes, there is a virus, and many will succumb to the virus. However, the more you grow in God’s love and share with your community and help each other out, the more things will get better sooner and then we can begin to win the fight with the “snare of the hunter.”  I am opting not to listen to the news obsessively, except to keep informed every day, but I do not want to panic.  Let’s spend our efforts in “self-study,” and looking within.  What is it about what we are doing now, or our eating or our communicating, that we can work on a little harder to change for the better, to serve in God’s calling?  Yoga rules from the Eight Limbs of Yoga call it Svadhyaya, which means to intentionally find self-awareness in all our activities and efforts, even to the point of welcoming and accepting limitations.  By practicing svadhyaya, the desire of worldly objects diminishes and taste for spirituality increases.
 
I look forward to seeing you all in-person soon.  In the meantime, let's practice self-study. God will take care of us. Now we owe it to him, to give back and help others escape from “the snare of the hunter and from the deadly pestilence”.

Mark 6:30-46

³⁰ The apostles gathered around Jesus, and told him all that they had done and taught. ³¹He said to them, ‘Come away to a deserted place all by yourselves and rest a while.’ For many were coming and going, and they had no leisure even to eat. ³²And they went away in the boat to a deserted place by themselves. ³³Now many saw them going and recognized them, and they hurried there on foot from all the towns and arrived ahead of them. ³⁴As he went ashore, he saw a great crowd; and he had compassion for them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd; and he began to teach them many things. ³⁵When it grew late, his disciples came to him and said, ‘This is a deserted place, and the hour is now very late; ³⁶send them away so that they may go into the surrounding country and villages and buy something for themselves to eat.’ ³⁷But he answered them, ‘You give them something to eat.’ They said to him, ‘Are we to go and buy two hundred denarii^* worth of bread, and give it to them to eat?’ ³⁸And he said to them, ‘How many loaves have you? Go and see.’ When they had found out, they said, ‘Five, and two fish.’ ³⁹Then he ordered them to get all the people to sit down in groups on the green grass. ⁴⁰So they sat down in groups of hundreds and of fifties. ⁴¹Taking the five loaves and the two fish, he looked up to heaven, and blessed and broke the loaves, and gave them to his disciples to set before the people; and he divided the two fish among them all.⁴²And all ate and were filled; ⁴³and they took up twelve baskets full of broken pieces and of the fish. ⁴⁴Those who had eaten the loaves numbered five thousand men. 

⁴⁵ Immediately he made his disciples get into the boat and go on ahead to the other side, to Bethsaida, while he dismissed the crowd. ⁴⁶After saying farewell to them, he went up on the mountain to pray.

Here we have the miracle of the loaves and fishes.  What transpires in this passage is clear.  And as I read the passage, I find two messages, one stated clearly and one implied.  I do not know if we believe in miracles in these days of science.  How do we distinguish a modern miracle from a coincidence?  But dividing five loaves of bread and two fishes among five thousand cannot be a coincidence.  Nor do I find anything in the passage to suggest a metaphor, another favorite piece of modern sophistry to explain what we, in an age of science, struggle to understand.

I must examine myself daily to appreciate the altar to science that I build between me and my God.  I find that my work on that altar makes it grow higher and stronger almost by the hour, and I am afraid that I cannot, without faith and love, tear it apart.

For me, the second message comes through seeing just what Jesus does through faith and love.  When he is trying to rest and take care of himself and his disciples, he nevertheless feels compassion for a great crowd.  He becomes the shepherd to a flock of five thousand, speaking to them and feeding them.  Nowhere in the passage does he ask the lepers to seat themselves in a separate section.  He feeds the flock both spiritually and physically. And then, not having rested himself, he does not disperse the flock but sees it members safely off before retreating for his own spiritual nourishment through his prayers.