Genesis 42:18-28
18 On the third day Joseph said to them, ‘Do this and you will live, for I fear God: 19if you are honest men, let one of your brothers stay here where you are imprisoned. The rest of you shall go and carry grain for the famine of your households, 20and bring your youngest brother to me. Thus your words will be verified, and you shall not die.’ And they agreed to do so. 21They said to one another, ‘Alas, we are paying the penalty for what we did to our brother; we saw his anguish when he pleaded with us, but we would not listen. That is why this anguish has come upon us.’ 22Then Reuben answered them, ‘Did I not tell you not to wrong the boy? But you would not listen. So now there comes a reckoning for his blood.’ 23They did not know that Joseph understood them, since he spoke with them through an interpreter. 24He turned away from them and wept; then he returned and spoke to them. And he picked out Simeon and had him bound before their eyes. 25Joseph then gave orders to fill their bags with grain, to return every man’s money to his sack, and to give them provisions for their journey. This was done for them.
26 They loaded their donkeys with their grain, and departed. 27When one of them opened his sack to give his donkey fodder at the lodging-place, he saw his money at the top of the sack. 28He said to his brothers, ‘My money has been put back; here it is in my sack!’ At this they lost heart and turned trembling to one another, saying, ‘What is this that God has done to us?’
Here we are on a new adventure, co-writing a Lenten reflection with our neighbor/ dog park friend. We said yes with no idea of what we would say. Once we received the passage, we panicked. The passage was not immediately accessible. Who were all these brothers? And why did they reject that having both the grain and their money was a blessing? A dog walk was certainly in order.
Fear was present as we discussed the reading. Do I know enough about the bible to really have something to say? Would we be judged for what we had to say? Are there wrong answers? Both of us felt caught in a fear spiral: fear > wariness > distrust then fear again.
During uncertain times and circumstances, like the brothers found themselves in or current events we are facing as a community, one can get lost in fear and reconciling what feels like a tragedy with the idea of faith. Why is this happening? What really is going on? Will everything be okay? When caught in our fear spirals, we started leaning towards suspicion and questioning motives, causing us to nearly miss the blessings of the present moment right in front of us.
What is the way through the fear? As we unpacked the passage reflecting on what struck each of us and what the brothers may have been experiencing, we each had to stay present; present in the fear, present with the task at hand, and present in the space with each other. Having each other, we could not retreat into that fear because that other person was there to push us through (thankfully with a lot of generosity and humor). We kept coming back to something our pups ask of us all the time – be present in the here and now; take one-step forward at a time and allow the mystery of faith to unfold.